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Joke of the Day

"Me: ""If only the man upstairs could have blessed you with brains as well as beauty."" Wife: ""Why the hell is there a man upstairs?"""

"My dog is a nuisance. He chases everyone on a bicycle. What can I do? Take his bike away."

"Mom filled up the refrigerator ... we could say that it had a pretty productive day."

"What do you call a dolphin that is out of the water? Dolphout"

"Hey girl, are you my appendix? Because I'm not completely sure how you work, but this strange feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out."

"How does a redhead shave his pubes? Gingerly"

"Girls like guys who take charge: ask her out, plan a date, take a hostage, overthrow a government, nuke her ex's hometown, buy her a puppy."

"What do you call a nosy pepper? jalapeno business!"

"I call bullshit on these retro bottles of Coca-Cola. They make you add your own cocaine."

"My wife's friend's baby always cries when her mom leaves the room. My son just laughs at her. Proud father of a douchebag."