36285

Joke of the Day

"I think it's just about time to sit my 9yr old down and give her the ""Your mom is a pyscho and you're probably gonna end up one too"" speech."

"What did one testicle say to the other? ""Hey I hear your neighbor's a real dick"""

"Have you heard of the John Denver omelet? It's just like a regular Denver omelet, but it's served upside down in seawater."

"Chalant isn't even a word. Well played nonchalant. Well played."

"People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw orgies."

"Love is like a fart If you have to force it, it's most likely shit."

"Donald Trump: nobody can out crazy me Lena Dunham: here, hold my beer"

"Why did the rope not get any presents? Because he was knotty."

"I finally understood the end of the 6th Sense All those names at the end were people who worked on the movie."

"[2015 Bird Awards] AND THE AWARD FOR GROSSEST NAME GOES TO...HORNED GUAN (Lizard Buzzard quietly puts acceptance speech back in pocket)"