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Joke of the Day

"Boss: Did you bring the reports? Me: Hold on. *reaches into pockets and pulls out two middle fingers* Boss: I resign. You're the boss now."

"I've come a long way since attaching a big jet propeller to my sperm duct"

"Why do you never tease a fat girl with lisp? Because she's thick and tired of it."

"Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie from drowning? He was *too far out, maaan*."

"I'm terrified That I might be a hypochondriac"

"Interview: ""What's your greatest weakness?"" *I look at my watch then lean in* How much time do you have?"

"So apparently I've been Googling 'Asian Prom' this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren't going to bang."

"I don't know what it is about my masseuse... But something about her just rubs me the wrong way."

"There are three types of people in the world I hate. Racists, hypocrites and niggers."

"Donkeys kill more people annually than airplanes do. So watch your ass."