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Joke of the Day

"Saw a pretty girl, asked her, ""whats your sign?"" She said stop."

"My wedding anniversary is next week. Does anyone have an idea for a gift that conveys the sentiment 'our love is priceless' for under $75?"

"Bad timing for an excuse Teacher: Why were you late? Pupil: Sorry teacher I overslept. Teacher: It's three in the afternoon!"

"Just shook a piece of cellophane off my finger and now I'm exhausted."

"How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Oh, wait. That's a hardware problem. [source](http://nerdfighteria.info/video/54/Zrnd63DAH8o)"

"[types symptoms into WebMD] WebMD: Eww. Gross."

"My dad and I were never that close. The company he worked for once had a ""father-son"" picnic and he invited his father"

"[raises hand in English class] Why do we need to be learned English? ""Hmm.. Couldn't have worded that better myself, Luke"""

"I bet the women who only tweet about sex are probably some of the nicest men you'll ever meet in person."

"At the disco last night. They played twist. I did the twist. They played jump. I jumped. They played come on Eileen. I got kicked out."