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Joke of the Day

"Girl, are you a parking ticket? Because I want to throw you aside and forget about you forever."

"The realization that Netflix knows me better than my closest friends...."

"""When I was a kid I asked my mum what a couple was and she said: 'Oh, two or three'. She wonders why her marriage didn't work."

"Why the Xelerator is better than the Airblade... Dyson only makes products that suck."

"When I went to chemistry class for the first time, I was not surprised... The classroom poster was periodictable"

"How do cats eat spaghetti ? The same as everyone else - they put it in their mouths!"

"When someone says ""sorry it's so messy in here"" regarding their mostly clean car I laugh so loud I cough up several pieces of trash"

"Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because I'm riding a Big Wheel on the freeway? Officer: A STOLEN BIG WHEEL"

"[1st date, don't let her know you're a panda] ""Do u mind if I ask how you got the um *gestures at eyes* These? I..*rubs neck* cage fighting"

"I was talking to a nice young women last night, she asked me if I like breast or legs. I told her what I really like is a nice shaved snatch. Apparently I'm not allowed in KFC anymore."