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Joke of the Day

"[1st date, don't let her know you're a panda] ""Do u mind if I ask how you got the um *gestures at eyes* These? I..*rubs neck* cage fighting"

"What is it called when you call your ex? Ex-communication"

"Did you hear about the Lawyer defending the public masturbater?.... He got him off."

"A man walks into a bar in Westeros And the bartender says ""stop speaking in third person Jaqen for fuck's sake"""

"2 guys walked into a bar.. You'd think the second one would've ducked."

"while getting ready for the hurricane I noticed there was less people in the snack isle than the water isle... I'm just kidding, I live in America."

"What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow? I have no idea but I wouldn't milk it."

"What is yellow and can't swim? A bus full of children."

"At the club, a 6'1"" girl was crying in my lap. I just kept petting her hair, pretending she was a sad giraffe. Win-win."

"What do you call a wet bear? A drizzly bear."