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Joke of the Day

"6yo: Wow you look much better already daddy! Will you be able to have the stitches out soon? Taxidermist: He will not"

"Maybe you should get your own life so that you can leave mine alone, bitch."

"Consult an audiophile before buying new headphones Their reasoning is pretty sound"

"I remember the first time I used a Universal Remote Control I thought to myself: ""Well, this changes everything."""

"[God creating the raccoon] God: make it cute with a lil mask Angel: haha aw okay God: also make it eat trash"

"How do vampires like their tea? With a old tampon in it."

"Do you know what i say to people that are ""butthurt""? well stop doin anal."

"Discipline in the Home by Wilma Child-Begood"

"How do you keep a vegan from eating all your dairy? Invite two of them."

"I have a few jokes about unemployed people... But none of them work."