34070

Joke of the Day

"Where did Napoleon keep his armies? IN HIS SLEEVIES! Best used with little kids, or followed by maniacal laughter."

"[breakup talk] H: Gimme one last chance! M: How can I trust you again? H: She meant nothing to me! M: Not that. You bought lite sour cream!"

"My penis is so big... ...if I laid it out on my computer keyboard, it would go all the way from A to Z."

"I have a huge gash in my forehead. I'm going to assume I got up in the middle of the night, fought some crime, and went back to bed."

"When I was young, I stopped believing in Santa despite massive peer pressure. You could say I was a rebel without a Clause."

"Doctor and Lady Doctor: You are looking so weak and exhausted! Are you properly taking 3 meals a day as I had advised? Lady: Oh my god! I heard 3 ""males"" a day."

"Dad told me this one tonight... Whats the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo? A Hippo weighs a ton.. And a Zippo is a little lighter."

"Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? Because his class was so bright!"

"What does the unemployed starving man ask his rich baker friend? I just need some bread"

"What's the difference between a zombie and a redneck? One is a brainless, dirty, slow moving abomination, and the other is a zombie."