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Joke of the Day

"[job interview] Him: What's your greatest strength? Me: I'm very independent. Him: ... Me: ... Him: ... Me: Tell him, Mom. Mom: He is!"

"Republicans didn't protest when Obama was elected... Because they had to go to work."

"My Christmas tree isn't the only thing that's getting lit this time of year"

"Girl: ""all boys are the same"" Yes, because Zac Efron, Adolf Hitler and Barack Obama share extreme similarities."

"[tries to walk into my How to Use a Revolving Door class and ends up outside again] what the heck"

"When Jesus makes tea. Hebrews."

"I left my keys on my piano ...That's it."

"My love is like a candle... If you forget about me, I'll burn your fucking house down."

"I don't feel bad for the people killed in ""Jaws"". When I know where a murderer lives, I don't go swimming in his bathtub."

"What do you give an octomom for mother's day? A spatula. Maybe she'll be more responsible making dinner than making babies."