340

Joke of the Day

"I've been listening to the official workout station on Pandora for 3 months and I'm still fat, I'm calling bullshit."

"Why don't aliens eat clowns? Because they taste funny."

"How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like a choir boy"

"Him: Sir, you don't have the experience or fitness to be a fireman. Me: But, I got a mustache! Him: That's cat fur attached with frosting."

"*Getting murdered* omg I have the exact same knives"

"I ate peanut butter and got an allergic reaction. I got sued."

"Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not an egg timer?"

"Russell Crowe arrested for cannibalism After been asked by the judge did he have any regrets for eating the female victim, Russell shook his head and said he was ""Glad he ate 'er"""

"My Ex-Wife was like a box of chocolate Everyone got a piece"

"I asked a French person why us Americans piss them off so much I couldn't really understand what he said but I'm pretty sure it was ""Blah blah blah, I'm French, I'm better than everyone."""