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Joke of the Day

"My 11 y/o brother told me this What is pickle bread before its baked? Dill dough"

"Careful, friends. [bends down and examines a handprint in the sidewalk] There is a very powerful child nearby."

"Why did Aladdin have a shoe on his crotch? Because he told the Genie he wanted his penis to grow a foot."

"If Gandhi went on a 100 day journey with no shoes or toiletries... ... he would be a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis"

"They refused to take my order just because I was wearing a dastardly Dracula cape. The people at the blood bank have no sense of humour."

"Today I saw a poor, old lady fall. My first reaction was to laugh, but then I thought ""what if I was an ant, and she fell on top of me?"" then it didn't seem so funny anymore."

"What shoe can fit 206 million feet in it? Honshu!"

"Fear not, ugly caterpillar. For one day you will become a beautiful butterfly [emerges from cocoon] AH WTF I'M A MOTH THIS IS BULLSHIT"

"The awkward moment when you say, ""I love you,"" then the pizza delivery guy says, ""That'll be $12.46, please."""

"Divorce & Circumcision Q: What's the difference between a divorce and a circumcision? A: In a divorce, you get rid of the whole schmuck."