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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the legless man who got his wheelchair taken away? He was floored."

"What do you call obnoxious almonds? DEEZ NUTS!!! HA! GOT EEM!"

"1. Put ""Out of Order"" sign on a staircase. 2. Wait until someone says, ""Stairs can't be out of order!"" and uses them. 3. Release the bees."

"Two newborns are having a conversation... 1: You look worried. What's wrong? 2: It's about my Dad. 1: What about him? 2: I saw him with Mom last night. I think he's stealing my milk."

"What's 12 inches long and white? Nothing."

"An apple a day keeps the doctors away! With that logic a bullet a day should keep the retards away!"

"Theres plenty of fish in the sea. Theres loads of trash at the dump. Theres tons of bones in a skeleton. Bugs are everywhere."

"[on a first date] Me: So do you like puppies? Her: Oh I love them Me: Ok, so we'll both have the puppies Waiter: Excellent choice, sir"

"Which doesn't belong: Meat, a Blow Job, Your Wife, An Egg A blowjob, because you can't beat a blowjob."

"How many Northern Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Hella"