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Joke of the Day

"Wanna hear a dirty joke? Billy played in the mud. Wanna hear a clean joke? Billy took a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear another dirty joke? Bubbles is his neighbour."

"I worked at a Chili's when I was in college, which is so embarrassing. I usually just tell people I was a stripper."

"I looked at my girlfriend this morning... And said, ""Hey babe! Name me a [hypocorism](http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hypocorism)."" To which she rolled her eyes and said, ""Honey..."""

"""Bro she's a cold digger"" [later with gf] Do you only want me for my germs? [she stops licking my face] Why would you ask that?"

"""Eat shit and die!"" -- Fly teaching his son about life"

"Q: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Ve are asking ze qvestions here! A: Two one to give the order that the bulb be changed and one to screw it in."

"I like to sit on my hands until they go numb so it feels like somebody else is doing my dishes."

"Did you hear about the dyslexic Christian? .... who worshipped the almighty 'Dog'."

"After sex, my wife told me I deserve a Gold Medal for my performance, for breaking Usain Bolt's record and finishing under 10 seconds."

"Instead of yelling, I just say ""Caps Lock"" and then speak at a normal volume."