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Joke of the Day

"Dildo gun What is the difference between a gun and a dildo? Nothing they both go bang but one shoots to kill and one shoots for some pleasure."

"*wakes up early* *goes for morning jog* *calls wife to pick him up because he's made a terrible mistake*"

"Reddit is really a Green Community, considering that the joke's on you."

"What did Lincoln say on the last night of his life? ""Aw shit Mary, I need to go see a play tonight like I need a hole in the head..."""

"My neighbors got so weird when I asked how many bodies they thought were buried in their yard. I meant roughly, not like an exact number."

"What key do you need to open a banana? A monkey"

"I'm still waiting for my knight in shining sarcasm."

"What do you call a black man who flies a plane? The pilot. ^^^^^You ^^^^^racist ^^^^^fuck."

"My friend started jogging so he'd live longer. He got hit by a bus and died the next day."

"Being a parent means you have to make gigantic sacrifices like quality sleep and the backs to every remote control in your house."