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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a group of cows smoking marijuana. High steaks"

"A great joke/insult to make fun of a friend/enemy. [Insert name] was signing up for a website and types in ""MYPENIS"" for his password, and the website said, ""Password is too short."""

"How did the sperm cross the road? I put the wrong socks on today. ^(credit to /u/jackster_)"

"A teenage girl went to visit the doctor for her cough complaint. The doctor examined her with his stethoscope. 'Big breaths' he said. 'Yeah, and I am only thixteen' she replied."

"Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween confused? Because: 25 DEC == 31 OCT Merry Christmas Fellow Nerds! :)"

"Just burned 2000 calories while in bed. That's the last time I take a nap while the brownies are in the oven."

"Yoga may be the key to your flexibility. Alcohol is the key to mine."

"What do you call a Syrian refugee on the Mediterranean? Bob What does a Syrian refugee call their pet? Dinner What's grosser than gross? Two Syrian refugees fighting over a tampon."

"I can't wish my mom a Happy Mothers Day because she doesn't have Facebook. \_()_/ "

"If by high maintenance you mean she looks like a stoned janitor, then yeah, she's high maintenance."