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Joke of the Day

"My friend told me that she wanted to give me a deep throat blow job today. ""Really!?"" I asked. ""No,"" she replied, ""April Fogarbnsrgabsjg...."" That'll teach her to try to be funny..."

"What can be served but not eaten? A tennis ball."

"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like.. Bananas"

"The difference between Christian wives and Jewish wives? Christian wives have fake jewelry and real orgasms."

"What kind of outfit says ""I want you to let me stand in your group so I don't look like a loser but I don't want to talk to any of you""?"

"[wife frantically searching the house] Have you seen the kids, I've looked everywhere [me napping on couch] OMG HOW LONG HAVE WE HAD KIDS"

"Hey people waiting in line to get into a club. . . you should probably do us all a favor and stay in there until after the election"

"Fun fact: Taking a box of condoms to the pharmacist's window and asking for the fitting room will get you thrown out of Target."

"To all the single people this Valentines weekend Go fuck yourself ;-)"

"The trick to a good AVI is finding your best characteristic and flaunting it. I obviously am a fan of my nostrils."