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Joke of the Day

"Last weekend my dad caught me smoking a cigarette and for punishment made me smoke until I puked. This weekend I made sure he caught me in bed with my girlfriend."

"Snotty bitch in the elevator was looking down her nose at me. So I had to ask her, ""Lady, can I smell your pussy?"" Indignantly, she said, ""No, you may not!"" ""Oh, well, then it must be your feet!"""

"Hey, redditors of Cuba ...oh, my bad."

"Where do Cows go for parties? The Moovies"

"Q: Why shouldn't you bowl against a snake? A: Because snakes make lots of strikes."

"TEACHER: ""Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"" JOHNNY: ""Sir my Mother and Father got married on the same day same time."""

"An atheist, a vegan, a libertarian, and a BMW owner walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone in the bar within 2 minutes."

"Biggie Smalls always hated mediums."

"Son: Dad can sand melt? Me putting down my glass: Don't be ridiculous of course it can't"

"Why is Han Solo a loner? Because he's solo."