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Joke of the Day

"Two eggs were boiling in a pan. The female egg said to the male egg, ""Ooh, look, I've got a crack."" The male egg replied, ""Calm down, I'm not hard yet."""

"What do you call funny laboratory equipment? A comical flask."

"My mother in law:did you put the weight on? Me:no...actually I've lost some. You should have seen me month ago. I looked like you"

"What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?... Their knees. (Not sure if this one translates well to english)"

"Homeless people's dogs must think, ""Damn, this is the longest walk ever!"""

"SURGEON (who is an octopus): scalpel NURSE: [sweating trying to figure out what arm to hand it to] yup one second"

"What lies on it's back a hundred feet in the air? A dead centipede."

"You found poison in his stomach? But he HATED poison!"

"Why can't lions ever conquer the world? Because the pride comes before the fall."

"A waist is a terrible thing to mind."