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Joke of the Day

"Two eggs were boiling in a pan. The female egg said to the male egg, ""Ooh, look, I've got a crack."" The male egg replied, ""Calm down, I'm not hard yet."""

"Why don't skeletons get sick? Because they always have an anti-body"

"I keep a No. 2 pencil in my pocket just in case motherfuckers wanna test me."

"What do you call a group of white people sitting on the bench? A basketball team."

"This guy at my work fell into the upholstery machine today. Don't worry, hes fully recovered."

"Splinters are woods way of sexual assault They can go deep inside you, and the bigger they are, the more it hurts."

"I am getting around to writing my essay on herbs for my botany class... It's about thyme"

"cut a hole in the bottom of my tub of popcorn while on a date so when she goes for some she accidentally grabs a copy of my mixtape"

"I can't have a boyfriend because my clean laundry goes on the other side of my bed."

"You can't let me into the club? Maybe my friend Benjamin Franklin can persuade you... *comes back 45 mins later in a bad wig, holding a kite*"