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Joke of the Day
"*Pizza Hut job interview* ""Do you own a shitty car and smoke pot?"" No sir. ""You will."""
Next Joke
"Autocorrect changed ""meeting"" to ""mating"" and now my boss and I aren't meeting with Bob after work."
"I put my root beer in a square glass. Now it's just beer."
"I think it might be a good idea to not buy gold right now. Is a statement that is bound to get gilded."
"Why doesn't Switzerland make good cars? You can only put them in neutral. edit:pronouns"
"What's Mark Zuckerberg's favorite sex move? The facial. He wrote the book on it."
"""As the crow flies"" means something entirely different when it's ""in your living room"" and you are ""hiding in the closet with your cat."""
"Me: There's nothing better than a quiet evening out with friends after a hectic week. Tequila: We're gonna fight every girl in this bar!"
"You don't need to tell me that I'm not your cup of tea. I am well aware that I'm not a cup of tea, idiot."
"""DOC TELL ME STRAIGHT"" doc: u got lou gherrigs disease *cops barge in* ur under arrest ""FOR WHAT"" cop: mr gherrig reported a missing disease"