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Joke of the Day

"The first thing out of my mouth when I was very abruptly and rudely woken up by my neighbor blaring ""Trapped in the Closet""... ""Ugh, that's the second worse way to be woken up by R-Kelly!"""

"Two and a half men would be way funnier with an all black cast But then it would have to be called one and 3/5ths men"

"I fear for the calendar... ...its days are numbered."

"I hope no one I know ever has an emergency that they can't text me about. Because, answering my phone? No thanks."

"What is your favorite joke that's so bad it has become funny again?"

"Knock knock, Who's there? Not Oscar Pistorius."

"I've done a ton of research and looked at multiple symptom checkers. I went to the doctor and he said I was fine but..... .....I think I may be suffering from hypochondria"

"Q: How does a blonde kill a fish? A: She drowns it."

"I never feel older than in the 12 seconds I spend on web pages scrolling down to my birth year."

"How many bears could Bear Grylls grill, if Bear Grylls could grill bears?"