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Joke of the Day

"When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky. They're always 20 years behind everything. Mark Twain"

"Got busted for shoplifting once in Canada and had to deal with their whole irritating Good Cop/Great Cop routine."

"""...you can also say 'representative' at any ti--"" ""REPRESENTATIVE!!"""

"Not tryin' to brag, but my sex life is like a dormant volcano. It was fiery, but now it's inactive. Also, I killed a bunch of villagers."

"I made a belt out of $100 Bills. It's a waist of money."

"New study finds that everyone you disagree with is like so, so stupid."

"Why do you need to be 35 to be elected president? So women don't get elected."

"What do Osama Bin Laden and a salmon have in common? It's a great life until they run into a seal."

"What do you call a longshoreman who only unloads sugar substitutes? A steviadore."

"So my friend held up a can of coke... And asked, ""How do people snort this stuff?"""