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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross a gangster and a serial killer? Murdered. (If you don't get it: ""cross"" can mean ""betray"")"

"Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired."

"I got offered a job at a kaleidoscope company. I'm looking into it."

"Did you hear about the man who was using apples and oranges for flooring? He started to lay them down when he realized it was fruit-tile."

"I figured it out. Renee Zellweger is stuck in the longest oncoming sneeze of all time."

"Mom: Hey honey who are you talking too? Me: My girlfriend. Mom: Don't lie to me you fatass! You're ordering pizza aren't you? Me: ( ._. )"

"[son's football game] Other dad: which one's yours? Me: I can't remember. I just wait for him in the car when the games over"

"I love doggie style as much as the next guy, but sometimes she's just too pretty to fcuk from behind."

"*makes typo* *deletes tweet* *deletes twitter* *deletes life*"

"What idiot called it endangered ocean population instead of deficiency?"