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Joke of the Day

"*Takes gift wrapping paper to the counter* Her: Did you want to buy that? Me: No, I just wanted to hold it for a while."

"Don't you hate people that answer their own questions ? I know I do..."

"I went to see my Coincidental Hygenist the other day. Turns out she was one of my friends from high school."

"How do Australians clean their ass after pooping? Bidet, mate!"

"Judge: Your client says he's mentally fit to stand trial correct?Lawyer: Yes, your honor.Judge: Then can you tell him to get out of my seat?"

"[at fancy-dress party shouting over all the barking] ""YOU NEED TO LEAVE"" me dressed as a giant vacuum cleaner: ""I DIDNT KNOW YOU HAD 6 DOGS"""

"Why does Beyonce sing ""To the left, to the left?"" Because black people have no rights"

"How do u kill a blonde ? Give her a knife and ask her who is the prettiest of all ."

"Me and my brother went to a homosexual Chinese restaurant. We both ordered 'the cream of sum yung gui'"

"I dream of the day when automatic paper towel dispensers finally realize the human hand isn't 3 inches long."