29313

Joke of the Day

"I know karate and tons of other words."

"DATE: I'm leaving ME: Why? D: You keep pretending to be a bat M: I don't D: You're doing it right now [a single tear rolls up my forehead]"

"Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers."

"Hey man, settle an argument for me? ""Sure"" [handing him a sword] Great, he's just in there"

"Now if they could just make PokemonStop.. I could sit and actually enjoy this game! In playin pokemon Yellow right now ; p"

"I banged my teenage daughter last night... In the head accidentally with a basketball."

"The authorities just apprehended a notorious cereal killer. When they asked him why he did it, he said... ... he did it for the Kix."

"I took my girlfriend home to meet the family My wife went fucking ballistic"

"FRIEND: OMG I'm so glad to get away from my kids for a bit ME: haha yeah I don't think I'll ever have kids FRIEND: no it's the best"

"What is large and grey and shoots tourists in Africa? An elefanatic, of course."