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Joke of the Day

"This medicine says I should not operate heavy machinery, so I guess I won't be doing laundry for the next two weeks. Safety first."

"You go in for an interview for a Linux programming job... ...and you are asked for an example of your linux programming abilities, so you type into the terminal ""sudo apt-get JOB"""

"If you look up ""cool"" in the dictionary, you'll see a picture of me. I like to deface dictionaries."

"[Spelling Bee] -Your word is phlegm -Can you use it in a sentence? *loudly clears throat for 5 minutes*"

"Saved a man from a speeding car Man: Can't trust anyone Me: True Man: Us old ones got to stick together Pushed him in front of the next car"

"My girlfriend is like my car... Stolen property"

"What kind of snake is good at building things? A boa constructor."

"During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, ""where should I put my pants?"" ""Over there by mine"" was not the answer I was expecting."

"Q: What do you call a tree from Tulsa? A: An oakie."

"What's the best way to save on toilet paper? Slow your roll."