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Joke of the Day

"A truck just flipped a dead squirrel onto my windshield and it's stuck in my wiper. I guess I don't have to stop to get supper tonight."

"What do you call a cannibal that only eats Marxists? . . . a proletarian."

"Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on."

"If Al Gore had a band, it'd be called... The Algorithms. I'm sooooooooooo sorry for this. :("

"What do you call a mexican midget? A paragraph.Why?Because he's too short to be an essay."

"According to an old Irish saying... Summer is the best day of the year"

"To avoid being raped when I am in jail... I stick a tube of toothpaste up my ass for complete cavity protection."

"What do you call a Texan who just had sex? A jolly rancher. Credit goes to my friend at school."

"What's the difference between a little guy with a pot o' gold and a big gathering where people's limbs are falling off? One's a leprechaun and the other's a leper-con."

"Why did Chris Christie cross the road? Because chicken is fucking delicious!"