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Joke of the Day

"Ever have sex while camping? It's fucking in tents!"

"Beginning to worry that, on my deathbed, I'm going to be just lying there, refreshing twitter."

"I come from a long line of people waiting to get in."

"Cheese & Milk Just as I was getting home last night a guy hit me with a block of cheese. I thought that wasn't very mature. He then ran over and pour milk all over my head. I thought HOW DAIRY!!!"

"The fourth Harry Potter book marked a huge tone shift for the rest of the series. I mean, the fifth book was dead serious."

"Why did the Egyptian spit out his water? Because it came from the Suez."

"Kissing is weird as hell. ""Um I really like you so I'm going to taste the inside of your face for a little while."""

"I dated a meteorologist once just so I could be with a woman who wasn't right all the time."

"Bus stop A man with three eyes, no arms and one leg is waiting at a bus stop. A bus pulls up. The driver opens the door and says, ""Eye eye eye, you look armless enough, hop on!"""

"What is the difference between a dead baby and an orange? [NSFW] I don't fuck an orange after i peel its skin off"