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Joke of the Day

"You should skydive without a parachute. It's a once in a lifetime experience."

"*When I see someone else jaywalk* ""What an idiot."" *When I jaywalk* ""I am a trained professional. Do not attempt this yourself."""

"How do you build a boat? Well Im not sure, but I do Noah guy."

"Teachers in school told me I wouldn't amount to anything, now i'm laughing all the way to the bank... To dispute my most recent overdraft fee"

"What are the effects of biggest brainwashing book in human history? i dont know...try asking the suicide bombers"

"TIFU in Subway Oops, wrong sub!"

"Cop: Why didn't you stop when I shouted at you back there? Motorist: I thought you were saying ""Good morning Mr. Mayor."" Cop: Right. I wanted to warn you about going too fast through the next town."

"Why I like molecular-biology porn I watch it for the blot."

"When I ride alone with a random guy in an elevator I'll wait a sec then ask ""two man killing spree?"""

"If I was any lazier and non functioning I'd be Rosie O'Donnel's metabolism."