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Joke of the Day

"I am one ""Mom!"" away from making the 6 o'clock news."

"Great news! I'm declaring a national strike. Nobody go to work."

"The Conjuring 3: Evil spirits torment another single mom & her kids. The kids torment them back. They're better at it. The spirits flee."

"I would have been a gastroenterologist... But I didn't give a shit"

"Why was the cemetery plot salesman upset? Business was dead."

"Dancing Prime Minister Dancing Chancellor of the Exchequer Dancing Lord Privy Seal -ABBA explores dance vis-a-vis constitutional monarchies"

"What do you call a 15 year old Korean prostitute Sum-yung ho"

"My dad wanted to name me, ""Rusty,"" if I was a boy. Thank you, X chromosomes."

"Holy crap! I can't believe it! Thanks to Twitter - I'm going to Yale! Wait a minute... Jail - I'm going to jail! Oh..."

"Are we stopping for ALL pedestrians now? I can understand kids & the elderly. But everyone else should be able to dodge cars."