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Joke of the Day

"Pretty sure California's water crisis could have been solved with the number of dropped ice cubes that I've lazily kicked under the fridge."

"It's possible to suck at everything if you put your mouth to it."

"Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively."

"My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me having sex with her dog. I guess I really screwed the pooch on that one."

"Every meal I didn't have to cook myself is the best meal I've ever had."

"If you jump off a bridge in Paris... They'll declare you in Seine"

"""got you by the balls""... classic reference to the type of situation where someone is holding your balls and you can't jump around too much."

"Who's the nicest player in the NFL? Drew Brees. The guy's a saint."

"Teacher: What time do you get up in the morning ? About an hour and a half after I arrived at school"

"My Taiwanese friend is very intense and driven: He has a real Taipei personality"