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Joke of the Day

"Her: omg, I'm SO happy for you! Me: *shaking head* No, no, no... I said I got 'enraged', today. Not 'engaged'."

"At the end of your life, you should get a rebate for however much time you spent learning cursive."

"I was doing some curling in the gym when some guy looked at me funny. I said, ""What's up, punk?"" ""Nothing,"" he replied, ""I've just never seen a man using hair rollers before."""

"Did you hear about the jeans manufacturing company that changed their product to pants made from one piece of fabric? They made a seamless transition."

"[i fall down the stairs & break my back] Me: Siri, call me 911 Siri: okay.. I will call you 911 from now on Me: haha nice Siri: thanks 911"

"What's the pedophiles favorite holiday? Christmas. Because you can dress up like Santa Claus, and get free lap dances for a whole week."

"Why can't you hear a red heads footsteps Because they walk so gingerly"

"Notice at Church: Don't leave your mobiles, purses, wallets, handbags, girlfriends unattended. Others may think it is an answer to their prayers."

"What's better than roses on your piano? Two lips on your organ."

"when i see lovers names carved in a tree... When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think its cute. I just think it's crazy how many people bring knives on a date."