27345

Joke of the Day

"My local's rough as anything. I went to the pub quiz the other night-First question was What the f*ck are you looking at?"

"A Goat walked into a bar, and the bartender said WTF is a Goat doing in here? the end"

"Just heard my neighbor say ""Wow"" from inside her house about the fart I just did inside mine."

"What do you call a lycanthrope you've snuck up on? An unaware wolf."

"Told my friends I couldn't make it to happy hour. Didn't tell them it's because I want to sit around sans pants and eat cheese for a while."

"The largest city in the world is... Dublin. Because it keeps on Dublin and Dublin"

"[in hospital] -dude what happened? ""I got hit by a bu- [a bus taps on the window, does neck slice motion] -I mean I fell down the stairs"""

"I'm not lazy. I'm just stopping the sofa from floating away."

"Dear Grocery Bagger, Please don't put dryer sheets and bread in the same bag. My kids don't like peanut butter & Spring Meadow sandwiches."

"On a scale of North Korea to America, how free are you tonight?"