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Joke of the Day

"What mustache can an alien not pull off? A human chu"

"A Mexican once tried to steal my golf clubs.. so I had to shoot a hole-in-juan."

"If you vote for yourself, does something blue appear like when you pee in a pool?"

"I listen to nothing more closely than the muffled conversation happening after someone has accidentally pocket dialed me."

"Why did the crowd watch the man futily attempt to blend oil and water for hours on end? It was unmiscible."

"Damnnnnn gurl... I wanna to take you back to my place, get you alone and just do work on your grammar."

"A little girl asked her father, ""do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? The father replied, ""No, some begin with - If I am elected."";"

"What do a racist and an apple have in common? They both look good hanging from a tree"

"If I answer you with my voice two octaves higher than normal, ""whaaaaat?!"" then one octave lower than normal, ""noooooo,"" the answer was yes."

"Glad my dog is warning me about the child walking down the street catching snowflakes on his tongue. He seems sketchy."