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Joke of the Day

"I can either be on time or wearing pants. Pick one."

"Why was the Tibetan monk celibate? Because he didn't give a fuck."

"I've never been a great salesman I'll tell you that for free"

"Doctor Doctor I feel like a sheep. That's baaaaaaaaaad!"

"Thank god for smart phones I was getting tired or reading the back of shampoo bottles while in the bathroom"

"And the Lord said unto John.. ""Come forth and receive eternal life."" But John came fifth and won a toaster."

"How is food purchased an an Irish grocery? You buy it per-tater"

"Why did the jellyfish's wife leave him? He stung her into action."

"What's the difference between acne and a priest? Acne waits until a boy is 13 to come on his face."

"Replace someone's MRI with a dancing skeleton gif once, and you'll never be asked to deliver bad news again."