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Joke of the Day

"So this guy is making a construction joke... But he's still working on it."

"[Eating unhealthy potato at restaurant] Cop: You're under arrest. Me: What's the charge? [Lowers sunglasses] Cop: a salt and buttery."

"Did you hear about the fight in the bathroom? Shit went down"

"my floor was 5 years old, so i contacted someone to replace the old wood... I'm still waiting for a reply"

"How can you tell that your waitress is having a bad day? She has a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil."

"Your mama is so fat... She bungee jumped and went straight to hell."

"Why can't Keanu Reeves eat his soup? There is no spoon"

"My daughter has gotten to the age where she asks me embarrassing questions about sex Just this morning she asked me ""Is that the best you can do?"""

"Our forefathers fought against British rule so anyone can become president. For the first time in 240 years, we're regretting that decision."

"Shoveling snow would be so much more fun if it were porn."