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Joke of the Day

"The worst part about being molested as a kid is People think that you look cute, but in reality it is just afterglow"

"Whose fault is it that California always has earthquakes? San Andreas fault."

"I test my smoke alarm batteries by burning the fuck out of everything I cook."

"No mom, I can't date him. Well he took that which superhero are you quiz and well...*whispers* he got Daredevil."

"Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in? The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!"

"Once upon a time, I used to worry that people would think I'm weird. These days I'm genuinely surprised when they don't. "

"A typical Lufthansa flight We are soon going to land in Hamburg. Fasten your seatbelts AND I JAST VANT TO HEAR VAN KLICK!"

"My son didn't understand the concept of a committed relationship, so I told him it's like making a girl your default browser."

"There are 10 types of people... too highbrow? There are 10 types of people... those who know binary, those who don't and those who understand off-by-one errors."

"What don't elephants forget when they go swimming? Their trunks."