128868

Joke of the Day

"I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am. I've been single for a while and I have to say, it's going very well. Like...it's working out.I think I'm the one."

"A cave man walks into a bar... ""Hey, Joe, has any one invented booze yet?"""

"You're spending a lot of time at that computer screen. Have you had your eyes checked? No they've always been blue!"

"I just witnessed an employee choking on her noodles and now I feel sorry for her husband."

"Love will tear us apart. Also, bears, wolves and some other woodland creatures."

"I'm on a version of the Paleo Diet where I eat anything I want knowing that my fossilized remains will be plenty thin in 2.5 million years."

"Do vegetarian cops... ....go on stakeouts?"

"I have trouble ending small talk. Some guy I started talking to in 1998 on a bus is still talking to me. His name is Gary. He hates rain."

"A shopping mall. Drake walks past a man dressed as Santa, who yells out, ""Ho! Ho! Ho!"" ""Yeah,"" Drake sighs as he keeps walking. ""She was."""

"I learned an interesting fact about the Titanic today The swimming pools on it are still full of water."