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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend texted me ""helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative"" Anybody know what ""ternative"" means?"

"How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag? Take the ""f"" out of the word ""way"". (get it yet...?)"

"If a man says he is going to fix something he will. There is no need for a women to ask every 6 months about it"

"Oh, you asked if I had a perfect BEACH body. Now I see why you were confused when I said ""Yes, I'm round, ripe & covered in fuzz."""

"What's better than kiddie porno? Adult porno. Kiddie porn is gross, you sick fuck!"

"Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing."

"I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline."

"my life thats it thats the joke"

"I just grilled a chicken for 8 hours. And it still didn't tell me why it crossed the road."

"I would really appreciate it if everyone great would stop dying"