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Joke of the Day

"Q: Why is everyone tired of the king playing video poker on his porcelain throne? A: Cause they're sick of all his royal flushes."

"What did the waitress say to the man who wouldn't stop staring at her while she refilled his glass? Take a pitcher, it'll last longer!"

"Maybe we laugh when others get hurt because it helps us cope with mortality but probably we're just dicks."

"I really think they should rename the ""Twin"" size mattress to ""Jack"", since it makes more sense along with the King and Queen sizes, and that's mostly what happens in that size bed anyway."

"There was this church that was so so small That instead of having a crucified jesus they had one hanging"

"What's the difference between parsley and pussy? Nobody eats parsley."

"When is your birthday? 17th January. What year? Every year!"

"Catch a baby opossum, give it a 12-hr sedative, and hide it in the glove compartment of the car of the person who's dating your ex."

"How does a person from New Zealand find a sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying."

"So this guy gets pulled over... He's speeding and clearly stoned. The police officer says: ""How high are you?"" And the man replies ""No officer, it's hi how are you."""