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Joke of the Day

"""well well well, if it isn't the person who didn't like my Instagram photo"" is how i like to address pretty much everyone"

"My house is clean so please don't eat or drink or come by or let my child come home."

"What do you call a depressed cow? A mooooope"

"When I jerk off I'm not a fancy restaurant about it, I'm more like McDonalds Fast, easy, and you don't have to get out of the car"

"What is the difference between an egg and a redditor? Eggs get laid at least once."

"like people say things like 'tuna fish' but not 'duck bird' or 'dad father'"

"A man was walking in a graveyard when he spots another man crouching behind a tombstone ""Morning!"" he said The Other man replied:""No just taking a shit"""

"No, I'm not damaging my liver. I'm about to sterilize it using alcohol."

"You can learn a lot about a person if you install a camera in their bedroom."

"I have a Muslim friend with a Note 7... It only gets awkward when he shouts ""Allahu Akbar"" when plugging it in."