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Joke of the Day

"Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is."

"Another day done. Time to kick back and second-guess every social interaction I had at work."

"My wife screams like crazy during sex... ...especially when I walk in on her!!!"

"Does anyone know what would happen if the earth rotated 30 times faster than it does today? We would get paid every day, and all women would bleed to death."

"7y:why are you putting make up on? Me:to look nicer 7y:when does it start working?"

"""You know that's not even a word, right?"" I said, condescendingatively"

"Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you've done with the place."

"I'm terrible at keeping track of appointments so I signed up for a time management class. I showed up for class *a week late.* [Heard just now on Freakonomics.]"

"I'd like you to meet my family, my wife Sharon, my son Carl, and this balloon that follows me around"

"Just received an invitation to the local nudists club... I though why not, I've got nothing on."