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Joke of the Day

"I was casually swimming with a great white shark today. Until he bit my whole arm off."

"Why can't a schizophrenic kleptomaniac become President? He always takes office clothes."

"Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear ? Because he liked sole music !"

"What's the difference between a hormone and an enzyme? You can't hear an enzyme."

"i wanna feel how dogs feel when you let them go in a big field"

"Did you hear about the brake pedal who had to leave his job? He had to stop when he got depressed"

"How many blacks does it take to screw in a light blulb? Three Fifths"

"Don't be offended if someone doesn't reply to your text. Their phone is probably just ""on silent"" or ""right in front of their lying face."""

"How was copper wire invented? Two Armenians were fighting over a Penny."

"*looks at fish tank 6: It's part cat and part fish? Me: No it's just a fish *Catfish maintains eye contact while pushing over treasure chest"