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Joke of the Day

"A picture so sexy my computer just covered my eyes."

"Magician: ""Think of a number."" Me: ""Okay."" Magician: ""Are you thinking of a number?"" Me: ""Yes."" *the crowd goes wild with applause*"

"11 million Americans spend half their income on steam ... In June."

"How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth? He ate his pizza before it was cool."

"I went to see a therapist. I said, ""I'm not sure if I'm a man or a woman."" He said, ""Right. Just pull your pants down for me."" I said, ""No."" He said, ""You're a woman."""

"There are two things a bloodhound can smell and can't smell A man's sweat and sweat"

"""What do missiles, camels, and common fetishes have in common?"" ""...What?"" "" -Toes."" ""Out. Just get out."""

"Girl, me without you is like the History Channel without World War Two."

"[airport] For $800 more you can upgrade to Arctic Class What's that? Same as coach but the flight staff is penguins [slaps table] SOLD"

"I'm gonna cook tons of bacon, crush it up and sell it for extra money to support my family. Bacon Bad"