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Joke of the Day

"if we're on a date and you're rude to the waiter I'd be like holy shit I'm on a date"

"A Limerick There once was a barmaid in Salles, On her chest wrote the price of ale. And on her behind, For the sake of the blind, Was the same information in Braille."

"There are two types of friends: Those that keep your car clean And Julian FUCKING JULIAN"

"Hey guys, does anyone have an averagely long horror story that just ends in a pun? Any comments appreciated!"

"Miley Cyrus's fiance wants to break up with her. When asked why, he said that it's not twerking."

"*Lying in hospital Doctor)Your back is broken in 6 places. You may never walk again Me)At least I got all the groceries in one trip"

"What did the duck say to the hooker? Put it on my bill."

"You can't be a real country unless you have a BEER and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER."

"NORTH WEST KIM AND KANYE HAVE DECIDED TO NAME THE BABY 'NORTH'. I WONDER IF THE BABY WAS CONCIEVED AT THE MILE HIGH CLUB ON NORTH WEST AIRLINES"

"So my Orchestra conductor keeps telling the Violas to play louder... I guess it just isn't their Forte. ;)"