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Joke of the Day

"How do you get the most apples when bobbing at Halloween Wear a snorkel !"

"What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common? You don't look down."

"How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris."

"Accidentally feng shui'd tonight when everybody wang chunged and I've never been more embarrassed. That lamp does look great there though."

"Wife: Can you check the dryer? Me: You put a check in the dryer? Don't you know money laundering is illegal?"

"Death is not the end. You still have to dispose of the body and hide the evidence."

"I'm a giver. *gives you a hard time*"

"I saw some beautiful women. Sometimes it makes me sad though and I almost don't want to start the chainsaw."

"Every 5 seconds a woman gives birth to a baby. Stop this woman"

"It would be rather appropriate to die during sex. We come *into* this world naked and screaming..."