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Joke of the Day

"Couch: $300 TV: $1000 Chips: $3. The look on your face when you don't have electricity: Priceless"

"Dont be afraid of change, its inevitable. Unless youre homeless. Then you might have to go around asking for it. By the way, I dont have any"

"Why do milking stools only have three legs? 'Cause the cow has the udder"

"Every time I lay down in bed I think 'why didn't I do this sooner?'"

"What does Batman use to wash his hair? Conditioner Gordon."

"I bet in Somalia a kid has been like ""I'm so hungry!"" and another's like ""Third world problem!"" and they both laugh and die and stuff."

"What did the Ukrainian Scientist receive after discovering the dangers of radiation? A Chernobel Prize."

"Homeless guy walking by this bar patio looked at me and said ""I'm your future,"" and I was like ""Sweet, we have a cool beard."""

"Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes."

"Welcome to Premature Ejaculation Club A lot of you came early, I'm not surprised"