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Joke of the Day
"When does every cat want to be fed? Right fucking meow"
Next Joke
"I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"""One man's trash is another man's treasure"" is a great saying... But apparently a bad way to tell your kid they're adopted."
"Why do we carve pumpkins for Halloween? Because they're less bloody."
"[judge at restaurant] ""I will try... the lobster"" [2 hours later] ""I find the lobster guilty of money laundering and embezzlement"""
"You know you're getting old when you sound like a women's tennis match just trying to get out of bed."
"Putting candles on a cake Is wishful thinking"
"Say what you will about terrorists, but those guys really know how to paint the town red."
"The only bad thing about most people is having to interact with them."
"My first time having sex was like my first time riding a bike My dad was holding me from behind ."