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Joke of the Day

"So the other day I was throat fucking a black chick She said ""I can't breathe!"" I said ""Honey, lets not make this political."""

"Everyone around me keeps telling me I'm mean. Which is absurd. Plus, they're ugly."

"Women have more than one connection to lungs. If you put a finger inside the vagina it feels like suffocating to them."

"My friend is like a Jew during WWII In the closet."

"""Endless shrimp"" sounds nice until you realize they are serious. It's a threat. The shrimp will never stop."

"[first date] Me: don't let her know you're a lizard Her: why did you just say that? Me: (gets scared and loses my tail but I grow a new one)"

"I don't feel sorry for people who waited until the last minute to do their taxes... I finished mine over a year ago..."

"What do you call water that hasn't been changed? Still, water."

"Don't have phone sex! You might get hearing aids."

"What do you call Root Beer in a Square Glass? Beer."