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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the kidnapping in New York? Nevermind he woke up!"

"What do you get when you mix birth Control and Lsd? A good trip without kids."

"PMS jokes aren't funny PERIOD."

"What do you call a therapist? a TALKtor"

"I showed up at Disney headquarters uninvited I said I was there for a Rogue One cameo That's how I learned the security guards have Tasers"

"A donkey walked 12 miles.. but when measured the front leg walked 12 miles but the back legs walked only 10 miles Its because he was walking in a circle"

"[having heart attack] HELP...CAN'T...MOVE ME: Dude, are you ok?! [faintly] CALL...ME...A...DOCTOR ME: Oh, sorry!! Doctor, are you ok?!"

"Why do we.... Cook bacons and bake cookies?"

"I'd be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer."

"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather Not screaming and yelling like everyone else in the car."