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Joke of the Day

"My friend has a real bad drug habit Its so bad i found him snorting shake and vac off my carpet last night.............he is clean now."

"Why don't people tell jokes about the Reverend Jim Jones? The punchline is too long."

"Just ran 45 minutes on the treadmill and burned 732 calories. Or as many people like to call it, 4 olives."

"My brother said he's incontinent. Yeah, he said he's wet his pants in nearly every nation in the world."

"There's a cure for kleptomania! They make a pilfer that."

"How did the greeks separate the men from the boys? With a crowbar."

"Shia Labeouf got rejected for a job he applied for... During a practice run he caused negative results. Apparently he wasn't what the suicide hotline was looking for."

"I recently met an indian baker who claimed to be socially rebellious He called himself a Naan-Conformist."

"I did a survey and asked 5 women what kind of clothing brand they preferred. The 5 responded: ""How the hell did you get into my house?"""

"All I want in life is to be cool enough to cut up slices of an apple and eat them directly from the knife."